(April 4, 2007)

It seems as if every experience with episodes is unique. I don’t think I’ve ever had the kinds of ups and downs I have had recently. I go from a normal state one day to being stuck in a dark pit the next. Don’t know what to make of it but know I need to remember that every day is a new one. Yesterday I was ready to throw in the towel; this morning I was making plans for a new creative project. I’ve learned that I must take advantage of motivation when it comes to me – do when I can do and value that time. I long ago learned not to take my well times for granted.

Part of my problem has been that I no longer have a book to pour all this into. For over two years the book allowed me to make something good come out of the bad. As I went through whatever mood was upon me I wrote about it and about what helped me cope – in an inspirational way, in hopes of encouraging bipolar readers. My suffering had a purpose and that made it bearable.

But this morning I thought more about an idea that has been a glimmer in the back of my mind. I’m thinking of producing inspirational booklets for people with depression. Don’t know exactly how I’m going to do it or what will go into it. I do know I’d like to include black and white photographs – black and white being my favorite medium. This would be a way of combining the two loves of my life, photography and writing. The ideas are happily simmering in my mind. They give me a hopeful feeling, a bright feeling.

This is how my creativity comes about – out of the black times. Guess depression IS good for something. After the winter, new fresh growth for the spring. How beautiful!