(April 9, 2007)

Going through the endless ups and downs I’ve been experiencing lately I have come to, once more, realize what a powerful effect our moods have on our lives. I’ve only had several black days but many rather down days. My current life is painting quite a clear picture of what happens to my ability to function as a result of my moods.

Over the past while I haven’t felt motivated to be as active as I normally am. I’ve also spent much time ruminating, thinking endlessly, yet doing little. I’ve kept up with what I absolutely have to do though. Making simple meals and cleaning the kitchen when the mess becomes unbearable. I’ve thankfully met my commitments.

But today I went to the gym and my workout had a wonderful effect on me. I came home energized, my more normal self. What a wonderful feeling! I wonder if that’s here to stay a while? I must get busy and make the most of it.

I don’t know what I’m trying to get at here, except that I can see my life as a painting with many different colors: some are dark and dreary, some boring, some passionate and exciting.

The control these moods have on me continues to amaze me. I can’t will myself out of the dark or the gray. And try as I may to hang on to the light, it eventually escapes me.

So how can I use these colors and make a beautiful picture out of the whole? How can I use the combination of moods God gives me to create something good?

I just know that I need to be thankful for all I’m given, because everything – the dark AND the light – make me what I am. I will be a painting with a full tonal range – a rainbow of many different colors. And there’s a richness in that.