(May 7, 2010)

You know, I’d rather be into rapid cycling than in a solid depression, as I was at this time last year. The lows I go through now only last a few hours. The depression only got alarmingly low one day. That was followed by a high the next day, after some prayer time with a friend. Most of the time the low mood is just an unmotivated feeling. And yet, even though I know now that it won’t last long, the feeling of hopelessness still crops up. When I get low I still can’t imagine feeling good again. And when I feel good, as I do this morning, I can’t imagine returning to a low.

Now that I know I can expect to rapid cycle for a while longer until I stabilize, I’m learning that I need to take advantage of my good moods. I need to use those good times to get things done around the house. That’s when I need to make the more complicated meals, leaving the simple stuff from Costco for the low times.

Over these past few months of rapid cycling I’ve had some spiritually inspired times and I’ve had some very creative times. I’ve been able to offer support in – what is perhaps – a more sympathetic way than usual. After all, depression is never far from me. I well know how it feels. And the creative work has been such a blessing. I find comfort in it. I’m consoled by it. And the bookmarks are finding their way to people who need to hear the messages they convey.

Yes, even during times of such instability, I have a lot to be thankful for.

This morning I awoke at 4:30 in an up mood. By 7:00 I had cleaned up a very messy kitchen, something that I hadn’t been able to motivate myself to do for days. Then I sat outside in the sun for awhile, searching for a Bible verse I wanted to use for my next bookmark. A wonderful time that was. The birds sounded so beautiful. Now I’ve looked through some pictures, searching for a slide I have in mind that I want to marry with that verse. In the process I found a lot of other pictures that would make good bookmarks.

I’m including one of my recent bookmarks here. The subject is Cosmos, one of my favourite flowers. It felt good to express the way I feel about that flower in this way.