You never completely lose the memories of trauma, they say. And I know that to be true. Triggers come at the most unexpected times, even during a sermon at church. There’s not anything particularly different about the sermon. But at times it does lead one’s mind to reliving experiences in your life – experiences that resemble the biblical account.

The pain is overwhelming, yet you understand the message better than most will. Because it’s real to you. You live with it still. The memory is as tangible as this day itself.

You go home, wondering what to do with the pain, the anguish, the anger. And you do the only thing you know that will dispel the intensity of those feelings. You write. You need others to understand how you hurt and where the hurt comes from.

You search for a way to right the wrongs. To make the world a better place. To expose evil, so that others will not also be hurt.

In his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.” (Matthew 5:6)

I have that kind of hunger and thirst, Jesus. Always have had. But I’ve been hurt because of it. Will the pain ever stop? They say it won’t. Traumatic memories will always come back and bring their suffering.

Sometimes I get angry, Lord. Didn’t you as well at times? And what happened to you? You were nailed to a cross for bringing healing and righteousness to the world.

I guess we’ll suffer together, Lord. In fellowship.