(November 27, 2007)

I’ve been talking a lot lately about how good can come out of bad and today I can once more see this happening in my life. I’ve found pleasure in a new creative activity, I’m walking closer to God, and I’m feeling secure in the love of my friends.

There have been symptoms of depression lately, as some of my recent posts have shown (or “supercalifragelisticexpialidocius” as my friend would call it. It has been hard to do the things I need to do, I’ve experienced a lot of anxiety and an undercurrent of tearfulness. Yesterday my doctor put me on Prozac. He wants me to take a therapeutic dose and then carry on with a maintenance dose once I’m back to normal.

I’ve done a lot to help me deal with this episode and it has been working well. One thing that has caused me shame is that I believe I rely too heavily on my friends. This feeling is probably as bad as it is because of depression’s negative thinking. To counteract this I’ve tried to cling to God more. If I go to my friends because they love me and I love them, then shouldn’t I go to God in the same way? Because he loves me and I love him. I started making my journal entries into “Dear God” letters. As a result I have started feeling closer to him. That has given me a lot of comfort.

I have been very open with my best friend about what is going on with my feelings and my thoughts. As a result she is reaching out to me, calling me every day. What a comfort that has been! At a time when I needed to hear it spelled out, she told me she loved me. When I felt I was contacting her too much, she assured me that I could call her anytime. What a comfort this assurance was to me! This friend exemplifies what Christian support can be. She is very much a follower of Christ and through her, my own faith is encouraged to grow. She makes me feel worthy. She makes me feel loved. And that is so important for a person going through depression.

Other good things that have come out of this “supercalifra….” : I’ve given myself a break from pushing mental health awareness, allowing time to prepare my heart for Christmas. I’m finding comfort in playing with making pictures. My inner child, that needy part of me, is being fed with the things it needs right now. Creativity, peace, and love.

 …and I am grateful. And God is good.