(November 24, 2008)

Today I decided to let someone else lead Living Room for awhile, as I give myself a chance to recover from this down period. It’s for times such as this that I have a partner and co-facilitators. My co-facilitator, a faithfilled and enthusiastic person who will be starting her own group in Vancouver in January, will lead the meeting this Friday. This was a difficult decision to make because leading the meetings means so much to me. But I believe it was the most responsible thing to do. I’m just not in good enough shape.

I seem to be having alternating bad and not-so-bad days. The bad days are really bad. On the better days I’m doing well when I can accomplish two or three things and eat a good meal. These better days are also when I visit my mom.

This afternoon I felt lonely and called a new friend from church. I am only getting to know her but know that she wants to learn about mood disorders and she wants to be supportive. She invited me over for a coffee and we had a good visit. After I left I felt refreshed, lifted up. Was able to go home and get into doing some laundry. How good it is just to talk to someone for awhile! Even when I’m depressed I need to be with people on a regular basis. With my husband away, I definitely need to make sure I don’t isolate.

I’ll just have to be careful I don’t drag my friends down or just talk about myself all the time. Depression can make you so self-centered! Sometimes I feel downright sorry for myself. When I give into that I’m ashamed when I realize what I’m doing. My depression deepens.

Tomorrow I’m having lunch with an old friend. On Wednesday I see my counselor, something I seldom do. Thursday I have my writer’s workshop. Friday I have Living Room. Looks like I’ll be well set for socializing this week. A good thing.

Now to make sure I get out to Curves and cook for myself, something I’m finding very hard to do. (Yesterday I had a bowl of cereal and a bowl of soup. And that was it. That was a BAD day.)