(March 31, 2009)

I’m trying to deal with an understanding I’ve come to that one of my friends simply considers me a project – someone to support because I have bipolar. And that hurts.

I’ve always considered her one of my best friends, feeling her love and care. She has been there as someone I can talk to – someone who wants to learn about my disorder (which I value). I’ve always talked about how important it is to have a support network. And yet, when a friendship is simply built on a person’s struggle with a disorder, something seems to be wrong. I want to be a friend to her too – to be a support for her – yet she doesn’t often allow it. She talks little about her own needs. It is a very unbalanced friendship.

So hard to find a balance in a friendship.

I have another friend who is there for me – I know partly because she knows I’m often a “needy” person. Her support for me has been huge and has helped me become strong and to grow and accomplish things. But she has also let me into her life, telling me about the things she’s doing and the things she’s reading and thinking. She talks about the things she wants to do. Our friendship is not simply built on her caring for the bipolar me.

Yet I care a lot about this person who has been considering me a project. We have to try to turn this friendship around. It needs to be a me for her relationship as much as it is a her for me relationship. God grant us the wisdom and the ability to do that.

It hurts to simply be considered somebody’s project.