I felt embarrassed sharing the last post from 2009. How sick I was! Not just physically, but emotionally. Not only from bipolar disorder, but from emotional problems stemming from childhood. I found friends who showed me the greatest love I had ever known, but ended up stifling them.

Is that what created so many problems years later? Was that why I was rejected and hurt so badly? I’m sure that was part of the reason. At the time I  wasn’t even aware of what I was doing, though ultimately I did suspect something was wrong with my behavior. But I didn’t know how to change.

Much later, after I had been seriously hurt by what I can only call emotional abuse, did I receive therapy for this. The conclusion was that my problem was the result of poor parenting. I had been transferring the need for love that I didn’t receive as a child to adulthood. When I found that love in a couple of friends at my church I clung to them as a child would cling to her parents.

I’ve felt ashamed revealing these things about my life. And yet, I’m sure many of you must be dealing with such issues and reading this will show you’re not alone. I hope you don’t give up finding healing.

Some time ago I wrote a piece about how to overcome insecurity. I wonder if reading that might help you. I think putting what I wrote into practice has, together with therapy, helped me. See http://marjabergen.com/archives/7-healthy-relationships-with-our-supporters

Trouble is, there are those who don’t have compassion for people with emotional problems like this. They don’t take into account that it’s not the person’s fault, but the result of unfortunate upbringing. What sometimes follows is mistreatment. The person is not considered to have worth or to deserve respect.

This is what I believe to have happened to me. The mistreatment was not even recognized as wrong by the perpetrator. I suffered greatly, but remorse has never been shown.