(December 27, 2008)

Regrets and shame have brought me down lately. I’m good one day, and then something triggers me to turn to those negative emotions and thoughts and I go deeply dark.

But, if I were able to get things into better perspective, the way I should and the way it’s healthy, I would see that those negative things are really very small when you place them next to all the good things in my life. I have so much to be thankful for. And the Bible does remind us to think of the good and not to be anxious. God knows what is good for us and we need to listen.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)

In between the dark times, I have felt this peace Paul talks about, only to return to the dark again days later. A very troubling thing. Can I hang onto this peace, can I hang onto the good – those things for which I am thankful? With God’s help and with supportive friends beside me, I know I can. But I have to make the decision to strive for this and cling to feelings of thankfulness.

It’s not hard to think of things I’m thankful for. I’m really a very fortunate person, except for this darn bipolar disorder.