(April 12, 2009)

My roller coaster ride will not stop. I don’t feel so depressed that I don’t want to do anything. Just feel an overwhelming sense of sadness.

Trouble with me is that I feel a need to reach out – to draw comfort from others. Yet that kind of comfort is hard to come by. No one wants to hear another’s complaints. What can they possibly do? My husband has compassion and that’s so good. I thank God for him.

What puzzles me is this: When a person feels so down that they become suicidal (not me at this moment) they are told that they should reach out. They’re told they should let others know how they’re feeling. Yet how many people really want to be told how crummy a person feels? How many people truly know how to feel compassion? Depression is a lonely state to be in for sure. It’s hard to find support that satisfies.

Right now I find most strength in carrying on with my Living Room work. I draw comfort from knowing I’m doing things that will help others. In being sensitive to the needs of others I forget myself for awhile.

My prayer is that I will not focus on my own needs so much that I become self-centered. My prayer is that I will be other-centered – to love as I wish to be loved. There’s comfort in love – whether we give or receive. Let us love one another.

And I mustn’t forget. God is always ready to listen and to comfort if I will with open arms receive him. I need to pray more. I need to remember to pray and to spend time with God.