MY JOURNALS – MY STORY

I’ve gone as far as October 2011 in reviewing my journals. And looking back at what I’ve read so far, I’m surprised at how much I had forgotten about—totally. My memory has been unbelievably bad and this problem became one reason why I ended up retiring in 2015—fearing dementia. And now I’m glad to be going through all the written memories again. Thankful to have them . . . and I don’t have dementia.

I had thought that I had done so well, keeping my group going for all the nine years I led them, despite severe mental health struggles. So very much depression!

But through the journals, blogposts, and emails I kept, I’ve learned that the success of the group wasn’t so much my own doing at all. I had the help of many. I read how at one point, for a brief time, we had six co-facilitators. And several of them took up the challenge of facilitating and leading the devotional time when I wasn’t able.

I read about lives being transformed—softened by the presence of God’s love. His Spirit was so very much a part of our meetings. And we always had big attendances of  12, 18, 20 or more.

I had forgotten that M. had for a time been my official co-facilitator at BPAC, as well as facilitating the New Life group. He mentioned how the work had impacted him spiritually.

I also read about how much my friends L. and R. did to try and keep me from doing more than I should. I must have been so difficult to deal with as I went through my many mood swings.

I had forgotten about the depth of my relationship with people who struggled greatly—S. and T. especially—and how very much I loved them and was devoted to them. And there was M. from Japan, so very eager to learn about Jesus. A woman who now wants to bring the message of spiritual support in the name of Jesus to her home church and country.

I was ashamed to have forgotten the great help the Mood Disorders Association of BC (MDA) had been to Living Room, though they were themselves a secular organization. I have learned that they still help much—sending people who need spiritual support to Living Room—even today, in 2024.

I also wrote much—so very much—about the shame I felt in having to rely on my good friend, H.—unable to let go of my need for her. Poor H., and D. as well! H. bent over backwards to try and give me what I needed. But it was sickness on my part. Separation anxiety causing much grief for everyone involved.

“Lord Jesus, I can see how you were there with Living Room throughout. You remained faithful to the ministry from the beginning in 2006. And you stayed with me, though so many things ended up going wrong. And then, in 2013, you were in the writings I started on behalf of Living Room. Even today, in 2024, those devotionals are feeding individuals to help them with their emotional and spiritual needs.

“I thank you Lord Jesus!”

marja