ONE SUCH AS ME?

Not too long ago, when I decided to shut the door on my painful past, I said that I would only talk about the good parts of my story. And I did that—told it as fully as I could. It felt good to remember that I had done all I could to help others, despite great struggles with bipolar disorder. I could only have done this by drawing close to God daily. And he stayed with me throughout.

But bad memories come back to haunt us, never totally gone. And being the person God made me to be, I must share all—the good and the bad. The truth.

When I could no longer serve in the way I had and left my ministry, believing I was too sick to continue, I started to be rejected by those who once treated me well. For reasons I could not understand, I became despised. The good person I had shown myself to be for many years, started to be treated as though she was evil. I was ostracized by those who at one time gave me support.

For reasons I could not understand, my good name was blackened, the good part of my story forgotten, though it had spanned so many years. For a time, I myself forgot the good I had done.

It’s when I look at the good of my past, that the pain of how I was treated, and the pain of knowing the way so many had come to think of me comes back in full force. And once more, I’m reminded of Christ’s suffering and how he told us that those who follow him would be persecuted in the way he was. I know I’m not alone in the suffering.

REJECTED

March 2018 (the year that Living Room was abandoned)

He was despised and rejected by mankind,
a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.

Isaiah 53:3

It was a long time before I understood—fully understood—what the Bible meant when it said that Jesus died for me. Maybe I’d heard the message so often that it had lost its meaning. You know how that happens. Maybe you weren’t ready to hear it the first time and it didn’t sink in. Later in life, when it might have been more meaningful, the message had become stale and you were no longer interested.

The story of Christ’s suffering on the cross is one such story for me. I couldn’t understand what his dying had to do with my sins being forgiven.

But I have been paying more attention over the past few years. Having experienced rejection myself and the suffering that came with it, I have come to a better understanding of what Jesus went through than I might otherwise. With our sinners’ eyes, let’s have a look at what Jesus our Savior went through as a rejected man.

Have you ever been deeply hurt by the rejection of a best friend? No longer counted as a friend. No longer greeted with a smile or hello. Do you remember how that felt?

Now think of how Jesus must have felt to be rejected the way he was at the end of his life. Not by one, but by thousands. Look at how Isaiah above describes it. Although he was God in human form, he was considered less than a man, no longer belonging to mankind. He was treated as though he had no human feelings and was not entitled to human fellowship or sympathy. Imagine being treated so inhumanely. Maybe some of you can.

Jesus died an excruciatingly painful death on the cross, sacrificing himself to relieve us from the guilt of unforgiven sins. In his death he brought us freedom from that burden. Greater love has no one than this! (John 15:13)

Lord, you came to Earth to love us and to show us how to love. You were a man in whom there was no blame. And yet you suffered so much.

Oh, Lord! What have we done to you?

marja