(June 11, 2009)

It has been a long time since I posted. Things haven’t been good. Every once in a while a good day and every once in awhile an absolutely horrendous day.

I am grateful for the good weather we’ve had. I’ve been able to spend the early morning hours sitting on the patio, listening to the birds, enjoying the flowers, aware of God’s presence. Those times have been healing.

I’ve discovered that one of my worst problems lately has been Living Room. This ministry that always gave me such a feeling of joy has become a burden. I feel very alone with the responsibility – and it is a big responsibility.

Is it the depression that is making it feel like a burden? Or is the burden causing the depression? I’m not sure what it is. I just know that I need a lot of prayer right now for someone to come alongside me to share in the work. I need someone who will share this vision with me.

My own group isn’t a problem. I have lots of help there. It’s the bigger picture of Living Room – the raising awareness within the church – the helping churches learn how to support people with mental illness. That’s where I feel I very much need support.

Every once in awhile my mood dips very low – dangerously low. And then, one or two days later, I’m coping again. Never know how I’m going to wake up in the morning.

And yet I know I need to trust God. I need to remember that he is in charge. And I need to remember to keep talking to him – aware of his presence, grateful for his love and his goodness. I’m trying to cling to God as well as I can.