(October 26, 2006)

I’ve been so stable lately, so cool, calm, and collected. But right now I feel like I could cry.

You may remember I had two accidents recently, all within a month. In the last one, my car was severely smashed – almost totaled. Today I was close to getting into another accident, and it was my fault. Ever since my last accident, my driving has felt sloppy. I have trouble focusing. I don’t know if I should be driving any more. I could kill someone or be killed.

And I’m thinking about how my life would change if I were without a car. It’s depressing to consider that. I know I have a husband who drives, but our lives are so separate from each other. He would not want to have to drive me around to all the things I do. I can’t imagine a life without the independence my car gives me. Wow!!

I could cry.

And tomorrow is a meeting of our Living Room support group. I was so looking forward to it – still am. There are quite a few people who have called and I’m eager to meet them – eager to lead a good meeting. I need to pray. I need to strengthen up and put these worries aside – at least for a while.

Next week I will visit my GP and describe what has been happening to my thinking lately – the narrowness of my focus – losing track of time because I can only concentrate on one thing at a time. Is this a sign of a mind growing old? But I’m only 60!!! My husband says that I’ve just been preoccupied lately. But that’s no excuse.

A good cry would be good around now.

Please pray for Living Room tomorrow. Pray that I will get over the shock of this near-accident and place my attention on what I so love to do – to support people with mood disorders and help them grasp how great God’s love for them is.