I wrote the following in November 2015 during one of the most difficult periods in my life. It would lead to years of ongoing suffering. Today, thank God, my life is starting to turn around…or is it?

When one suffers from bipolar disorder as well as features of borderline personality disorder—two major mental health problems rolled into one—unfortunate behaviour does occur. It causes a lot of trouble and takes its toll on one’s reputation. At times like that I wonder: Will people ever believe in me again? Will my good points be remembered? Does anyone still love me?

When bad things happen by my hand, I long for the love and compassion that mercy brings. I long for the compassion of the people I have wronged. I so much need their understanding and forgiveness. I want them to remember the good I’ve done and the good I continue trying to do.

To live day after day being thought ill of, is the most painful thing I know of. Have you ever felt emotional pain so great that it becomes intolerable? What can one do with something like that?

There is no pill to take the pain away. Sometimes doing things to distract yourself helps. But that’s only a temporary fix.

The best thing, really, is to go to God, isn’t it? God is really the only listener who will hear me when I cry out “Have mercy on me!”