(February 27, 2007)

Although I’m not hypomanic, I have gotten myself into an awful lot of projects and work lately. I wonder why I always do that? Even when my mood is normal I like to take on a lot of stuff. Last week I suggested a fundraiser cookbook for my church. We badly need to replace the roof and it’s a lot of money for a small congregation like ours to raise. So I had the wonderful idea to produce a community cookbook: Recipes from Many Nations. This won’t be your run-of-the-mill church cookbook. This will involve the whole community.

It’s exciting. But, what with tying up the loose ends of my book, finding a publisher, facilitating the support group, looking after mom and mom-in-law, and my household, it is a lot of stuff. This cookbook will be a responsibility. And I’m not one to do things half-heartedly. I’m perfectly able to handle everything now, but am worried what would happen if I were to go into a depression. I’m trying to find a right-hand person to work with me so the project will be safe, even if I do flounder.

This is one of the most frustrating thing about living with bipolar. You never know where your mood is going to be. You never know if you can count on yourself. I’m a responsible person. I’ve accomplished a lot. I get things done. When I’m stable I see no reason not to trust myself. Yet you never know…

But today I’m well and strong, doing one thing at a time and I’m grateful for that. Each morning I will pray, asking God to continue giving me strength and courage to do all he has led me to do. I will trust in him and take one day at a time.