(November 3, 2006)

I am; I’m not; I am; I’m not…I guess I am getting depressed.

In my last post I talked of how I’d stabilized. I guess I spoke a bit too soon. I do indeed feel I’m getting sucked down into a depression. I’ve made an appointment to see my psychiatrist early – on Tuesday. That will give me a few more days to assess whether it’s really happening and not just a glitch.

I spent my quiet time this morning just sitting, not able to read or pray. I did write in my journal a bit, which was good. From 6am to 8am, doing pretty well nothing. Neat thing is that I did feel God’s presence. Although I was very much within myself, I felt Him there with me, keeping me company. No feeling of hopelessness or despair. I am having some difficulty doing the things I need to do, though.

My ladies’ small group from church met at my house this morning, and that was a true up lifter. We connect so well and can be totally honest with each other. Everyone is compassionate and loving. It’s this spiritual support that has, in large part, encouraged me over the past two years. Without this kind of support I would not be where I am today, relatively healthy – spiritually and emotionally. Without this I would not have had the ability to start my support group.

What I most want/need to do over the next little while, is to focus better on my book. It’s so close to being finished, yet the job still seems big. I may get my husband to take the motor home to a campground nearby, so I can spend a few days in it as a retreat. No choice then but to get writing. I did this last year and got a lot done. We’ll see how my mood pans out first. I’m going to have to stay in touch with my friends for now.