From an anonymous person:

“People who have not experienced it simply do not understand the emotional and even physical toll mental health issues cause. Suicidal thoughts and ideations became the norm for me. It is not that I ever truly wanted to die, I was just tired of living. I was tired of the pain my behaviors caused myself and others. I honestly believed that I was just “too much” and that my family, friends, and this world would be better off without me. I had to be hospitalized a few times and I attempted suicide twice. Before I had the correct tools to fight my battle, I used many unhealthy coping mechanisms. I self-medicated with alcohol and drugs for a while. I also starting using a very unhealthy way to cope with my pain, and that was to self-harm. I hurt myself on the outside to lessen the pain I felt on the inside.”

Suicidal ideations become the norm for many living with BPD. For this person it was because of the feelings of guilt her behaviors caused her. For others, like me, it was memories of trauma that gave me pain, bringing deep, but relatively short periods of depression. And yet, though they didn’t last long, they were at times intense, bringing me to the emergency room for safety.

But God was good to me. My self-medication came in the form of creative pursuits. Writing and photography were my coping mechanisms. These helped me best when I did them for the benefit of others. It was then that my bad feelings changed to feelings of contentment.

I’ve found the following to be true in my life: “What the devil meant for bad, God will turn to good.”