(April 6, 2009)

This morning I received an encouraging comment from a blogger – God’s answer for some of what I’ve been going through.  She wrote: “Your words serve a purpose that you may never even know about. I believe that as we speak from our hearts about how we are experiencing life, others can be so easily touched by God without our even being aware of it. Keep speaking from your heart!”

Lately I’ve felt hesitant to speak from the heart. I feel I have a reputation to uphold and am afraid to write with all honesty. I should come across strong – at least that’s how I think. As a result, I’ve posted very little. Yet I need the support of fellow bloggers.

Blogging has always helped me deal with my mood swings. In an effort to help others, I’ve managed to find the good in the bad. That can at times be difficult to do and then it’s just easier not to post. I try to talk to friends instead. But it’s not fair to go to friends too often. They soon feel stifled. Yet I feel such a need to talk. My thoughts are like a river that has to go somewhere.

I have to be very careful not to lose friends, because that can happen. We talked about this at Living Room on Friday. Everyone had experience with friends rejecting them or abandoning them. What a painful meeting we had! It was heavy.

My purpose for talking about this was to highlight Jesus’ experience at Gethsemane. He was abandoned by his friends too at a time when he most needed them. Isn’t that what happens to many of us? But I also sought to comfort participants by reminding them how well Jesus understands our pain, because he has experienced it himself. When we hurt, Jesus hurts too. We’re not alone with the pain.

My message of hope and comfort was over-shadowed, though, by the bad memories the devotional brought to the surface for people. And I feel bad about that.

I hope to email a more positive message to the people who were there – a happy Easter message. But first I need to start feeling happier myself.