Seeing beyond our own needs: a prayer


Lord, I feel dreadful – ashamed that my needs overtook my reasoning. It was not until after the damage was done that I realized my grave mistake. It was not until later that I learned, with great difficulty, to stop myself from writing so many emails to a couple of supportive friends. The need to write – the need to express my thoughts and my feelings – is always powerful, unquenchable. When something needs to be said, I feel I must say it immediately.

Many things needed to take the place of that habit before I learned to control myself. And I’m not sure if that will ever happen completely. But with your help, Lord?

Didn’t the Bible say that “nothing is impossible without you?” Will you help me, Lord? Will you help others with problems like mine?

Why, Lord, why was it so difficult – why was I unable to take the focus off myself and consider my supporters’ lives and what my frequent emails must have done to them?

You know me well, Lord. All in all, I’m not a bad person. At least I don’t think I am. In fact, I thought I was generous in how I treated others. I worked for years helping many with illnesses not unlike my own. I offered support in group situations, but also one on one. I spent time with people who were struggling, patiently listening to stories of abuse, descriptions of depression and emotional pain. With your help I gave comfort and encouragement. I truly felt you had made me for this work, Lord, and I loved doing it.

So, God, what was so different about the supportive individuals whose boundaries I crossed? Why was it so hard for me to consider their needs? Why was it so hard for me to care for them, as I did for others?