See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.

1 John 3:1

 

I always knew I had childlike qualities – an honesty, openness, and vulnerability – all expressed through my personality and writing. I’m able to see the world around me with a sense of awe and wonder and bring those to my photography. I have tried to be close to Jesus by imagining myself in his shoes to learn what it would be like to be him. In so doing, I took him off the pages of my Bible and drew him into my heart.

BUT only recently did I come to see that I was not only childlike in a spiritual way. I was also like a child emotionally. Not a good thing to know about oneself! I learned that I had never fully grown up to be the adult God had intended me to be. I’m learning now that this was all part of the emotional difficulties I had been struggling with. These caused behavior that eventually led to a diagnosis of BPD (see description below) and greater suffering than my bipolar disorder ever did.

I didn’t have the faintest Idea all this was happening to me. Not until I recently started therapy and came to see what others had been afraid to tell me!

Both my parents had lived with severe emotional problems. My mother was herself like a child throughout her life and may have had an undiagnosed mental illness. Neither parent was able to instill the qualities my sisters and I needed to become emotionally healthy adults.

Jesus calls us to develop spiritually by being dependent on God. But what if, as young children, we did not have parents who were able to help us develop emotionally?

It is believed that such lack of good parenting causes many of us to develop borderline personality disorder (BPD). If you look at the list of symptoms below, you can see why this might be so.

Some of the symptoms of BPD:

  • Fear of abandonment. People with BPD are often terrified of being abandoned or left alone. …
  • Unstable relationships. …
  • Unclear or unstable self-image. …
  • Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors. …
  • Self-harm. …
  • Extreme emotional swings. …
  • Chronic feelings of emptiness. …
  • Explosive anger.

But we must realize that all the unfortunate failings in our upbringing are now in the past. What can we do today to become emotionally healthier? Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) has proven to be effective, helping many recover. It’s definitely worth pursuing. Check what is available in your community.

But in addition to that: We have a God, a heavenly Father, who’s always there for us. Make it a practice to draw close to him daily. As a child depends on her father or mother, trusting them to guide and teach her, we can trust God to do the same. Read his Word. Pray. Be aware of his presence. Unlike earthly parents, God will never leave us.

Many in this world do not understand what makes people with BPD the way they are. They believe we ourselves are to blame for our behavior. But God knows better. He knows it’s not our fault. There’s no need for shame. He knows what our childhood was like and has compassion.

Sense the depth of love God has for you – greater than our earthly parents were able to give. That love is probably the biggest need we had all along, and God can fill that need. Such great love our Father God has lavished on us!

Praise be to God, our heavenly Father!

marja