Patient Endurance

After spending most of the day in my night clothes, only writing a bit, as I am now while lying on the sofa, I realized something had to be wrong. This has been happening too often. Could I be depressed?

I had thought depression was in the past for me, something that no longer bothers me. And yet, when I asked my husband, he said that I’ve been like this off and on for about a month now. The way he sees it, I haven’t been stable since I came off Lithium.

I’m reminded of the year I talked about in my book, ONE SUCH AS ME. I think it was 2010.

And yet, at that time, I still managed to do many of the things that really needed to get done. I carried on with my ministry. I’m carrying on today as well. Writing letters, sending out devotionals to you, writing blogposts. Just more slowly, needing more help. Needing reminders to fold the laundry and put dishes in the dishwasher.

I’m so very thankful to God that he still gives me the desire and wherewithal to write to you, realizing that some of you may be going through similar trials. As I write, I encourage myself, as I hope I’m encouraging you.

And I realize, I just have to be patient. Like a tulip bulb waiting for the Spring to start it blooming again. Better times will come. Maybe even much better times. It’s been known to happen.

I wrote the following at a time when I was still leading Living Room. Many times wrought with pain, and yet there was joy in the suffering. Jesus was with me, as he is today.

The tulip bulb spends a long time in the ground, preparing for the two months it blooms. The rest of the time it is patiently developing so that it can become what God intends it to be.

This reminds me of the long periods of dark depression some of us go through at times. But Scripture tells us that this is only for a while. As we go through it, God is preparing us for something. Malachi 3:3 tells us “He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver…”

Would you be able to endure the suffering better if you knew that God was using that time to prepare you for something? Trials tend to refine us, to develop us, to make us into people we could never be if life was easy. But we need to be patient, not anxiously looking for deliverance of the pain.

I like the story of Joseph. There were thirteen years between when he was sold into slavery by his brothers and when he became second in command in Egypt. Thirteen years of patient endurance while he went through many kinds of trials. After all these years he finally became the person God could use. Under his leadership, Egypt was able to store away enough grain to save many from hunger.

His brothers came asking for the grain they so badly needed, not realizing that the man they were asking this from was their brother Joseph. When they found out, they were petrified.

But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” (Genesis 50:19-20)

The things that happened to Joseph had a purpose though he himself, nor anyone else, could see it at the time. But Joseph patiently endured those many years, having faith and loving God. He trusted God’s plans, though he could not see what they were.

The difficulties God brings our way also have their purposes, though we may not see it now. We don’t have to know why we suffer. Joseph didn’t either. Endure patiently, trust God and have faith. If you love God, everything will work together for good, even the difficulties and the suffering. (Romans 8:28)

I know that God has always brought good things to pass after the tough times. And I trust that he will do so again.

marja