“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30


I’d had enough. My struggles with psychosis were more than I could bear on my own. I longed to let go of the fear that gripped me when my mind was confused and I felt threatened. I needed help. I needed rest.

It was at a time like this that I realized I should try the God I had resisted all my adult life. I was in my early forties when I opened my heart to him. I finally gave in, asking God to bring his love into my heart. To give me peace. To help me try to stop relying on myself and trust him instead.

Before long I became aware of God with me, the presence of his love, the knowledge that I could trust him to be with me in my troubles and in my pain. I came to realize that he would care for me, like a Father cares for his child.

It wasn’t until later when I came to understand the concept of the Trinity, of Jesus as God’s Son and my Savior. I discovered the wonderful friend he could be.

A new world opened up. I eagerly started reading the Bible, pleasantly surprised at how good a book it turned out to be. It was a treasure trove, expanding my understanding of the life God had given me and how I could use it. I recognized there was value in life that could be carried beyond myself to others. Through God I could help others. I saw how more meaningful my life became  when I lived it for more than myself alone.

I started spending quiet time in prayer, receiving the peace I had so desperately needed. By trusting my newly-found heavenly Father, I was able to let go of fear and relax my grip.

God opened my eyes to the injustices present in the world. Not long after my conversion I came to realize the sinfulness of the stigma attached to mental illness. I had such illness myself, yet considered myself a good person who should not be blamed for it. How wrong to make people feel shame simply because they have a health condition!

Hoping to be an example to others, I started openly speaking out about my illness. If I didn’t show shame, others might not feel shame either. Being open about my disorder was healing and a big step towards recovery.

Ever since this pivotal time in my life, God has led me to serving him in various ways. He never showed me exactly where he was taking me, but led me, one step at a time. My life with God has been a fulfilling one and still is today.

At times, things are still terribly difficult. But I know that I no longer need to cling to fear. I have Jesus, my friend, who understands all I’m going through. He is my comfort and my inspiration.


This has been part 11 of my series My Journey from Patient to Leader. Read Part 12: Part of the family.