IF YOU CAN KEEP YOUR HEAD . . .

It was 1965. I was nineteen years old, a student at Simon Fraser University, when my life became chaotic.

I suspected there had been something strange going on with my mind for months—thoughts and experiences I wasn’t able to understand. I was confused, couldn’t make sense of what was happening around me or within me. Found myself doing bizarre things I couldn’t help.

I imagined a radio show in a foreign language was broadcast with special messages for me. Falsely believed that I could understand what was being said. These are the kinds of tricks my mind was playing. I was extremely frightened by it all. When my distress was at its worst I banged my head against a wall in an effort to stop the torment.

I got worse. When my screaming had become unbearable, my parents called a cab and took me to the hospital. In the emergency room I shouted obscenities at the staff, something much out of character for a person who had always been quiet and reserved. They gave me a shot and I began to settle down.

A doctor came and talked to me. He noticed the poetry book I had brought along. Leafing through the pages, he found If, by Rudyard Kipling and asked me to read it out loud for him. As the sedative was taking effect, I read slowly, absorbing every word.

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too.

 It was as though the words were written especially with me in mind—as though Kipling had known that a person like me would need to hear those words one day.

Each line I read held meaning, and as I slowly began losing consciousness, hope began to rise within me. I finished reading the entire poem before falling asleep—always to remember the effect its inspiring messages had on me. Despite the terror I had experienced, the poem helped me see that there was hope.

This was how I first received spiritual support for my mental health condition. It was 20 years before I started believing in God—and 59 years before I founded Living Room, the revolutionary faith-based mental health support group in 2006.

marja