(December 29, 2006)

I’m working on an autobiographical account of my life with bipolar disorder and how God has been working in me over the past 18 years. Today I’m trying to write about the topic of motherhood…trying to figure out whether my illness had any ill effects on my son’s life.

My son is 33 years old now and seems to be OK. But I often wonder what it was like for him to have a mother who went through episode after episode of depression, mania and psychosis. How was it for him? Did I create hardship for him?

I know he was bullied throughout elementary school. I know that, At one time he told us that the kids had said something bad about his parents, but he wouldn’t tell us what they said.

When I asked my husband, he said I was a good mother. He says that the yelling and screaming I remember doing wasn’t nearly as bad as I think it was. What a relief to hear him tell me that!

My son is out of town today, but I want to ask him when he comes home. I need to know. Things have been written about the effects of a bipolar parent on her children. Not sure exactly what they said – can’t remember. Yet I know this is a topic that interests some people and I must write about it from the perspective of the life I’m living.

I know one thing, though. I did the absolute best I could. Life would not have been complete for me if I didn’t have the opportunity to raise a child of my own. Motherhood was most important for me, one I didn’t treat lightly.

If my son’s growing up years were difficult for him, I don’t think they left too many wounds – none that I know of, anyways. My son is a creative man with high moral standards. He is a compassionate person. I love him and I’m proud of him.