At the time I was founding and building Living Room, my morning quiet times were two hours long. I spent that time reading my Bible, meditating, praying and journaling. It was a rich time with God. I felt close to him and it showed in the courage and strength I was able to bring forth. I fully trusted God and loved him deeply. This love was passed on to the people I supported. I was a partner with God.

In the post previous to this one, I wrote the following: “But we need to continue praying. We need to keep the relationship with God a close one by praying often. It’s in that way that we will learn to discern what his will is and we can do our part in bringing that about. For…as Yancey continues discussing further in his book, we are partners with God. ‘God does very little on earth without the likes of you and us.’”

Lately I’m sorry to discover that my prayer time has dwindled greatly. My relationship with God is far from what it was. This has only been happening over the last while. I take lots of quiet time at night but don’t spend a lot of that time praying or reading my Bible. In the process, my relationship with God is weaker today than I have ever remembered it.

Yet I have a huge need for him. My ill health and the difficulties I face make life challenging. God’s presence and strength are critical to my ability to be a useful individual. I feel lonelier than I have in a long time. Why is this happening when I had over past years stuck so close to God, even in the face of great suffering?

Is that what happens when you start losing hope?