In going through my journals from years ago, I read about all the friends I had. Friends to talk with and do things with. All was good and happy.

I helped many individuals with their depression – talking with them, walking, having coffee. Visiting others in hospital. Many were  introduced to me by members of the church. Others came through my Living Room support ministry. People were brought to me because I was known to have compassion – a heart that loved God and loved to share him with others.

So it’s a puzzle to me to understand why, a few years later, people who had been friends would no longer talk to me or even acknowledge me when I said hello. A puzzle why I was no longer treated with the respect I used to have.

What happened to make people think so differently of me? Was it my behaviour? I know there were problems when my emotions got out of hand. But it didn’t happen often, and mostly with only a couple of people. I would have thought good friends could forgive. But maybe not?

I just know that I was all I knew how to be. And I know that the gentle compassionate soul I always was never left me. Inside I was still the same person I always was.

I was still the person who cared about those struggling with mental health issues. I was still able to write messages from God giving comfort and hope.

So, Lord. What happened to me? And where did all those friends go?

marja