Marja Bergen

author, mental health activist, follower of Christ

Tag: boundaries

From one human being to another

So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding. (Romans 14:19) After leaving I said, “I know how I was hurt. But tell me how you were affected. I’d really like to know your side.” But an answer did not come, not for me. “I’ll talk to your counselor or your […]

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Where has the love gone? (2019)

I ended the last post saying: “It’s just that people too often forget to act out the meat of Christ’s message: To love our neighbour and to love God. It’s all about love, isn’t it? Let us not forget to love each other.” The above came from the depth of my heart. This message from […]

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Why was I rejected? (2019)

The friend I talked about in the previous post was a person I loved dearly. And I can see in this story how she tried to be there for me, despite her own illness. I tried – within my own limitations – to be there for her as well. But I was better able to […]

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Comment on too much contact (2019)

I’ve learned a lot since I wrote the previous post. Yes, I was emailing my pastor too much, though he had assured me it was OK. It would have been a good time for him to set limits when I had asked. When supporting a person with emotional needs, boundaries will be necessary if it […]

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Why we need boundaries

You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Psalm 139:1-3 Many of us living with mental health issues find it hard to realize […]

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When pastors are too kind

Don’t set those with mental health issues apart. I hope you’ll check out my article, published last week on Church for Vancouver. You’ll find it at http://churchforvancouver.ca/when-pastors-are-too-kind-dont-set-those-with-mental-health-issues-apart/ And no, I don’t usually look as stressed out as all that 😊 marja

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13. Healthy relationships with our supporters

Our pastors as supporters Ministry leaders are often the most affected by the needs and demands of people with mental health issues in the church. They tend to be kind-hearted with great willingness to help those who are suffering. For them setting boundaries in the spiritual care of these people is especially important. Someone I […]

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8. Healthy relationships with our supporters

Fences make good neighbours? Lord, this photo of a fence with flowers growing on either side is helping me learn some important lessons about boundaries that I didn’t understand before. For a long time, the concept of boundaries didn’t make sense to me. It hurt when I was shut out of various people’s lives. Oh, […]

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5. Healthy relationships with our supporters

Respecting boundaries Lord, this morning I emailed a brief note to a friend. I thought I was getting pretty good about respecting her boundaries, trying not to email more than every couple of days or so. We had not formally discussed that this should be a boundary, yet it’s what seemed to work best. But […]

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Healthy relationships with our supporters

I wonder how many people with mental illness understand the importance of boundaries? Not only the boundaries set by their supporters and caregivers, but also the boundaries they themselves should put in place in their relationships with those who care for them. I’ve lived with mental illness for over fifty years and am only now […]

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