I’ve been talking about how I felt back in 2010 when I said or did the wrong thing. I also remember several posts ago when I felt great pain and shame because I knew I had hurt someone. I’ve known many times when I had to beg God for a pure heart and a steadfast spirit. Reading Psalm 51 has been a great stand-by for me, helping me cry out with shame to the God who I know will understand.

In recent years doing or saying the wrong things don’t seem to have been as great a problem. But it’s impossible to see ourselves as others see us, so I’m not clear on where I stand in that regard today. When I asked my husband this morning, he did think I said a lot of inappropriate things. But from what he said, I didn’t get the sense it was a big problem.

I’m hoping I haven’t done anything hurtful to others like what happened to someone I know, a person who also lives with mental health challenges. She was ridiculed in front of others for something she didn’t understand she’d done. She didn’t know how to respond. Just felt stupid. I’m sure her self-esteem, already low, took a beating.

Things were often said to me that were put-downs. I was slow to understand and it wasn’t until later that I realized it. After a while I came to see I simply wasn’t liked. Not respected. Why? Every time this happened, my self-esteem went down a notch. There was never an apology for anything, though I said I was hurt. Did this person cry out to God in shame as I had once done?

Was there no understanding of what the pain felt like or the damage it was doing?