SHARING GOD’S LOVE

Part 12 of my story

I loved photographing young children at their most natural. Feeling a bit like a child myself, I could relate to them. But competing in camera club competitions was not enough. I wanted to see my pictures published. Many of them were good editorial material. I did find several markets in the U.S., and was able to sell many. To see my pictures serve a useful purpose was satisfying.

Nevertheless, I wanted to earn more than the little I was receiving for editorial purposes. I yearned for some kind of tangible proof that my work had value. I wanted proof of my own self worth. My photography was more than a hobby, it was of ultimate importance to me. Unable to have a full time job, I felt the need to be recognized for something.

I wanted to gain a reputation for my photography. For that to occur I needed to get my work out there to be seen. When the United Nations Year of the Child was happening, I saw it as an excellent opportunity to have an exhibition of child photography. I showed my work to the curator of a small gallery. To my delight, she accepted my proposal for a show. The exhibit was publicized in several publications. In addition, a cable television station produced a fifteen minute documentary about my work. With that, I was on my way. Other one person shows followed.

I was receiving the recognition I had hoped for. But it wasn’t as satisfying as I thought it would be. Gradually, I no longer considered it so important to be famous.

All my creative work taught me that doing my best was of utmost importance if I was going to be satisfied with myself. The more I gave myself to my work, the more pleasure it gave me. Producing photographs for club competitions trained me to seek perfection. When working in my darkroom, I worked hard to get the perfect print. Many rejects ended up in the garbage before I was happy with the results. I learned perseverance, something that followed me in other pursuits.

When I freelanced for a local community newspaper, I spent a good deal of time at each assignment. Even after I had taken many pictures at an event, I hated to leave, thinking that I might miss something important. I made every effort I could to produce the very best photo story possible. Long after other photojournalists had gone home, I was still there, watching, waiting, and shooting.

This patient kind of approach to my work helped me as I photographed children at a dance competition, capturing their nervous excitement as they waited for their turn to go onstage. The photos were published as a spread in the paper and resulted in an offer from the BC Festival of the Arts to be their official photographer in 1988. It was such an honor to be asked, and yet I could not commit myself to something that big. The festival was months away and I could not foresee how my health would be. I’ve lost many such opportunities, unable to count on my stability.

(I’m so thankful that today, in 2024, I’m much more stable. It’s hard to believe that I’m living with bipolar type 1 disorder. God has been good to me.)

But although I was being very productive, I felt as though nothing was enough. Time and again I asked myself, ‘Is that all there is?’ The things I did seemed to lack sufficient purpose. I was never satisfied. Not until years later, after I had turned to God was I able to inject meaning into my work by using it to minister to people in various ways. Not until years later, after I had turned to God was I able to inject meaning into my work. Only then did I find sufficient reasons to publish my photos for others to see. They became part of the Reflections on God’s Word, which I started sending out in 2013 to give spiritual support for readers’ mental health needs.

Once I found God and my spiritual journey had begun, my outlook on life quickly changed. My new discovery of how God loved me and how he had a purpose for my life, thrilled me. I felt called to follow Jesus’ example.

I learned from Bible readings how God wanted me to love others as He loved me. During my morning prayers, I asked God to fill me with His love and to help me share it with others. God answered those prayers. All I had to do was ask. Jesus said that it is more blessed to give than to receive. (Acts 20:35) I found that to be very true. I most felt God’s love as it flowed through me when sharing it with others.

Giving of myself was healing and I became a more joyful person. Eventually, God’s love led me to a life I could never have imagined possible in my earlier years as a Christian. Jesus gave me opportunities to serve God and to be there for others instead of for myself alone.

I made an important discovery. Heirlooms made of cloth and yarn do not compare to caring for those around me. I didn’t have to do anything grand. I didn’t have to be famous or make a lot of money. Keeping Christ’s love in my heart as I spend time with others and work for their welfare is enough.

marja