FAITH

Part 6 of my story

“. . . We’re all different and the way in which we need God in our life will differ somewhat from the needs others might have.”

Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 18:3

Around age 40 or 42, I was still experiencing occasional psychotic episodes that had first put me into hospital. When they occurred I suffered greatly. Chlorpromazine, the one medication I had been on from the beginning, was not managing my bipolar disorder nearly enough. There was no denying that I needed more help than the medication could provide. In my mind I struggled.

Could I have been wrong all these years to deny the God everyone had tried to tell me about? Could this God help me? I felt his pull.

Still avoiding the church and help from people I knew to be Christians, I went to the public library to find out. I found a little book that talked about God, and surprised myself—able to agree with everything it said.

I finally realized how I had been wrong all those years to deny that Someone greater than myself, that Someone whom I could trust to help me overcome the symptoms that made me suffer so much. And I realized that all this could only come from an almighty God.

Before this, I had lain awake at night, wondering about Him, but could only manage the conclusion that God must be “the force that drives nature.” I could not imagine Him being someone who might have a personal interest in me. I could not have imagined the kind of love He had to offer. Not until I broke, did I truly meet Him—though even then, it took a while before He became real to me. It took a while before I felt His love enter into that deepest place—my heart.

But here I think I need to tell you a little more about myself. We’re all different and the way in which we need God in our life will differ somewhat from the needs others might have. God meets us in the kind of person we’ve grown to be and the kinds of needs we have. He knows us—better than we know ourselves.

And me? I am a child. I always have been and probably always will be. I know it from how I feel about things. My feelings tend to be unfiltered. I believe I look at the world with the innocence and clarity of one who is seeing the world and the people in it for the first time.

When I look upon a tulip covered with raindrops, the best part for me is not the flower, but the “tears.” It’s the feelings of things and of people—of what’s in my heart that matters most. My feelings best reflect who I am. They’re at the root of what God made me to be. A child from the beginning.

I’ve often thought of how accepting God was for me like being a child, playing a game with her earthly father—standing with her back to him while he stood a short distance away. When he gave the word, I fearfully allowed myself to fall backwards, not completely trusting that he would catch my fall.

In a similar fashion, I came to trust my Father God. Somewhat fearfully at first. Spiritually I let myself fall backwards, not seeing if he would indeed be there—not completely sure that God would catch my fall. But God, my Father, caught me safely in his arms. I had found the peace that trust in an Almighty Father can provide.

Children have an innocence, making it easier for them to be trusting. The child in me came to fully trust God and his son Jesus. And when I had made my decision for him, my heart was wide open to receive him. From the beginning, I started experiencing him in my heart. I developed an intimacy with Jesus that has proved to be precious to me—an intimacy that has helped me share him and his love with others.

Are you having trouble believing in a God you cannot see?

Maybe this will help:

FAITH – FROM MIND TO HEART

 Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see.

Hebrews 11:1 NLT

In your mind you know there is a God. You’ve read about him and heard people tell about him. And yet, you cannot truly sense his reality. There must be more.

Jonathan Edwards (1703-1758), included the following illustration in a sermon: He said, “Your mind can know honey is sweet, people can tell you it’s sweet, you’ve read books about it, but if you haven’t actually tasted it, you know with your head, but not with your heart. When you actually taste it, you experience it for yourself, you know it in a full way, and you can know it in your heart.”

To develop faith in God, we need to have both—head knowledge and heart knowledge. With our minds we learn what we read and hear about the Gospel. About Jesus. But true faith is not learned with the mind alone. Faith that we can truly feel develops by engaging the heart and the spirit.

We’re drawn to God by what we’ve heard about him. We’ve heard about his goodness, his kindness, mercy, steadfast love, and generosity. A time might come when we would like to make him part of our lives. But how?

What helped me long ago, as I was becoming a follower of Christ, was to realize that having God living inside me meant to have his love there. God and love are synonymous. They belong together. One night I asked God to fill my heart with that love. It didn’t take much more than that prayer to have love’s warm feelings enter. Something definitely happened inside me.

Might this happen to you as well? As I’ve said, we’re all different and God will meet each of us in a different way—according to who we are and our needs. Yet I do believe God could come to be with you too. It means to earnestly—as a child—open your heart to the love of your Father in heaven and ask him to live inside you.

One thing you will find is that God’s love is not ours to hold tightly and keep to ourselves. It’s meant to be shared. Once God has filled you with his love, it will—without apparent effort—flow freely to those whose lives you touch. You will learn what it means to live in God’s Spirit. You’ll know without a doubt that God is who he says he is. Creator of all there is. The God we can always trust. The God who loves with such abundance that he gave his all for us.

What you learn with your mind by reading the Bible will show there’s much more. So much more. You’ll learn about God’s son, Jesus, and how Jesus gave himself for us. How he died and how your sins are forgiven through what he did.

Ask God to help you search your heart and absorb these wonderful truths. And when he has helped you grasp all this, the overflow of gratitude you’ll feel will make your faith complete. God and his son Jesus will start becoming real. Truly yours.

Open your heart to God’s love today and allow him to make his home with you. You’ll be a transformed person.

marja