Respecting boundaries

Lord, this morning I emailed a brief note to a friend. I thought I was getting pretty good about respecting her boundaries, trying not to email more than every couple of days or so. We had not formally discussed that this should be a boundary, yet it’s what seemed to work best. But now I see I have emailed every day for almost a week. How did that happen? I had done so without realizing it. Always so many things to tell her. Always so much going on inside. And I felt like it all had to be talked about right away.

Why does that happen, Lord? How can I prevent crossing her boundaries? I want to do that more than anything, yet so often I see what I’ve done and am shocked and ashamed. How can I find the inner strength to deal with this need to connect – this sense of urgency that’s always there? Why am I always thinking of my own needs, when I should know that this friend who I value so much is busy with her own life?

But things are getting better. I think I’m finally doing better.

As I sit down in front of the computer to write my friend, I try to think of where she might be that day and how things have been for her. I try to remember to expect less when my friend’s life is difficult. Sometimes, instead of contacting her, I simply think of her and offer up a prayer.

Lord God, I believe that praying for my supporters has been one of the most helpful things you’ve taught me. It encourages me to treat them the way I should be treating them – the way I myself would want to be treated.

Yes, things are better, but the battle is not over. With a condition like mine, my moods go up and down for no apparent reasons. My behaviour changes with those moods.

What’s painful is that I seem to have become thought badly of by some.  Word about what I’m like gets around. When I say hello, some people turn away, not acknowledging me. It’s as though I’m considered “dirty.” Someone to be avoided. I feel like shouting out “I’m not really such a bad person. Please don’t think ill of me!”

But Lord, I know I’m OK in your eyes. I’m your child and that can never be taken away from me.

I’ve been wondering what makes me, and those like me, the way we are. Where does that frequent urge to connect with our supporters come from? And why is it so hard to control?

Can you help shed light on it Lord? And, as you shed your light on the reason for this, could you help us find a way to overcome?