After difficult years of suffering from painful memories, I started seeing some answers to why everything happened.  Things started coming together revealing the main reason I had been so badly hurt. The mistreatment I had received was part of an effort to encourage me to leave – to leave the place where I had made big contributions. The place where I had developed a good reputation – where I thought I had been loved.

It became evident that all this was orchestrated by individuals who I had thought the world of – “the best friends I ever had.”  But these “friends” turned out to be the worst enemies I ever had. That alone caused great pain.

In early March I realized what they had made me go through. Beside myself, not with simple anger, but rage, I ended up in the ER, my suffering critically renewed. It was a great setback. Although I’d been making strides towards recovery, this awareness started the agony all over, with quadruple force.

I was incensed that such a thing could have been done to me. The pain could not have been more intense. What did I do wrong? What good reason could there be?

Can you imagine how I must have felt to discover the pieces of the puzzle I’d been trying to solve start fitting together in this way? The shock of knowing that such a scheme had been in place with no consideration of me as a human being? With no consideration of the love and friendship we once shared? They appeared to have no concern about the evil they were engaged in. They did not seem to feel it mattered that they were causing great pain – though I had been telling a couple of them about it. They knew my suffering. I can’t believe how I could have trusted these “friends” for so long when the abuse wasn’t stopped.

Did they think they could get away with this because I was a person with mental health issues? And if me, who else are they mistreating? What other lives are being ruined?

And so, I continue to write. It’s how the world can learn about such injustices. It’s a way for me to express my pain, to tell my story. Writing keeps me alive more than anything.

I hunger and thirst for righteousness.

marja