How I wish I could find someone who would understand! Helping others appreciate your emotional pain must be impossible, unless they’ve also experienced it. Thus you’re left very much alone – the pain shrugged off as unimportant by friends and family. And so I write, hoping that perhaps some will understand this clue of where BPD might come from.

When a child is emotionally abused, she has no idea of what lies ahead for her mental health. All she knows is the tremendous pain she’s suffering at the present time. Not the obvious kind of pain one can see – the cuts and bruises. But pain that’s often far worse – pain that can’t be seen on the outside. This pain enters and lives in the very heart and soul of her being. It does not heal so easily.

Often the pain inflicted comes from a parent she had loved and trusted.  “What did I do wrong?” she wonders.

The hurtful words and actions continue, wounding her. Damaging her personhood. Lowering her self-esteem and sense of self-worth. She keeps on trusting, waiting for change. But change doesn’t come.

Running away was far from her mind. Not even considered. How could she leave the only home she knew? Where would she go?

Years later, painful memories and ugly feelings remain. They cling, never far away, surfacing with the slightest trigger. There at every wakening.

BPD develops. Dysfunctional emotions. Intense anger follows the slightest hurtful remark or action. Her behaviour causes others to judge her, seeing only what’s on the outside. If they could only see the pain within!

I was like that child. A deeply sensitive child, even now.

marja