It happened again today. I woke up to yet another hurtful memory from the past, the pain as though it happened only yesterday. I feel pain, but anger as well. And it’s intense. As intense as it was at first. I wish I knew how to make it go away. But all I can think of is to write.

Today’s memory took me to one of the many occasions when I was treated with disrespect. There was a disagreement with someone about a theological question. I asked the person in charge if, with his wisdom and learning, he could discuss with me what he thought the correct thinking on this should be. But he wouldn’t talk to me. Said he would discuss it with the other person. Later I heard that they had talked and he was fine with her opinion. But, though I had asked to be heard, I wasn’t. Nor was the email I sent asking for clarification responded to.

In spite of the wisdom I myself had gathered through reading, writing, and life experience – through many years of successful leadership – I was not given a voice. My opinion not thought worthy of consideration.

Why?

If this was only one such hurt I received, it might be forgivable. However, it was one of many. My sense of worth – my personhood – gradually being beaten to the ground.

marja